When will I be ready to forgive?
Imagine you are carrying a fully-grown rhinoceros on your back.
When would you say would be a good time to put the two-ton creature down?
Ahh, what a relief!
If you are holding a grudge against someone or something, you are carrying the emotional equivalent of a rhinoceros around with you. You may feel that this grudge is a source of power over that person or thing. On the contrary, its power is over you – and you are the one who is suffering.
Not only are they not doing anything to you – they didn’t in the first place. All of your suffering was created in your own mind – and to hold a grudge is to perpetuate this suffering.
Every time you reinforce the resentment by indulging in it, you are hoisting that enormous rhino onto your back. In trying to punish the object of your resentment, you are merely attacking yourself.
When you finally let go of this burden, you immediately feel much better.
Not that you are under any obligation to be best friends with whomever or whatever (you are under no obligation to do anything), but in your new freedom the space has opened up for healing – your own healing.
What you choose to do with this freedom, space and healing is up to you.
If you do want to move closer to this person or thing, you will find it much easier, because in your new state of non-judgement the relationship has already completely changed.
You are both much freer than you were when judgement was present – free to be who you really are, rather than to play a role such as goodie or baddie, victim or victimiser.
If you wish to be completely free of them or it, in your non-judgement you already are.
Either way, in your freedom from the burden of judgement you are able to freely move forward in your life.